California Fires

I spent a chunk of the evening being interviewed by another blogger (link to come when it goes live), instead of thinking of something clever (or not) to write. Instead, I shall now cop out and cut-and-paste a conversation I had with a friend who lives in Northern California, and is surrounded by fires:

Nick: … the fires suck. The smoke is so thick in our town you can only see for about 400 yards. It’s so bad in fact that it stings my eyes and hurts my throat and lungs… and this coming from a kid who smokes and works in refineries for a living. Man… think how all of the other people who haven’t been through such training and conditioning for this event must feel? Good thing I prepared! And to think I actually told my smoke inhalation trainer that he was crazy!

Me: (link to news story about 800+ fires burning, sound bytes from Gov. Schwarzenegger, etc.)

Nick: Great. Where will I live when Nor-Cal burns down? What will [friend] do with his Nor-Cal leg tattoos when Nor-Cal burns down? How do the firefighters get anything accomplished if they’re suffering from the munchies due to all of the Nor-Cal weed burning down? What will [annoying housepest] smoke if all the weed in Nor-Cal is burned down? What will all of the hippies use as motivation to write their crappy hippie music if all of the weed in Nor-Cal is destroyed? Has Arnold even thought about these topics?

Me: Oh shit, you’re right, it’s HUMBOLDT! I hadn’t even thought of that. Humboldt used to mean one thing to me, but now it means another (Humboldt Fog cheese from Cypress Grove!). Ah yes, I’ve aged.

Nick: Humboldt, Mendocino, Trinity Counties… The Emerald Triangle.

Me: Hey, maybe it’s a conspiracy! These fires weren’t caused by lightning at all! They were caused by DEA agents who were tired of the whole personal-property-requires-a-warrant dealio!

Nick: You could be on to something… Actually you can imagine my concern when I heard that over 700 fires were all started by lightning. That’s my cat’s name… and come to think of it, tonight was the first time he’s been home in over a week. I did see a very small DEA jacket stashed in the bushes yesterday… I do think I smell a conspiracy.

Me: I don’t think that’s what you’re smelling…