No, Thursday’s project dealt with vibrators.
Yeah, that got your attention.
You see, I was trying to apply for a position writing product reviews for an online retailer, and the application process hinges upon my submitting a writing sample. This retailer would like to see 300-500 words about a vibrator. If you’ve read any of my previous posts, you know that words usually come easily to me. I can write at length about practically nothing. Here’s this opportunity to write about an actual, tangible object… one with which I am coincidentally familiar… and for the life of me, I cannot seem to come up with 300 words. And that’s just the bare minimum! My current word count on the product is at 232, and that includes the noise- and vibration-level ratings. Something I had never particularly thought about until it was time to write an in-depth review. I’m not giving up yet, it’s only been one night, but I’m really not sure how much more I can say. I don’t want to read other writers’ reviews, because I don’t want to be influenced by anyone else’s writing style, but to my readers: What details would you most appreciate reading in a review of a vibrator? Keep in mind, the product details (dimensions, features) are clearly listed on the main product page. If I mention them in the review, it needs to be in relation to its use.
I am so very glad that my father doesn’t read my blog.
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*Unintentional double entendres highlighted for the pleasure of the Saints & Pinners. “Everything in bowling is dirty!”
shoes and pie 
ACK ACK ACK!
Did you already address the “noise” factor and battery life?
Yes.
232 huh? I’m impressed!
I’d like to know if it’s ergonomically designed for single person use or for someone else to drive.
Knowing if it’s a japanese motor is also critical, the motors are much more powerful and efficient in addition to being more durable (read: last longer).
Is it compatible with teledildonics?
I’m realizing I know way too much about vibrators… I’ll stop now.
Hahahahaha…that’s perfect. Maybe you could come up with a list of questions that someone would ask about a vibrator and go from there. That’s what I would do…I think.
Oh yeah and I think the title should be “Dude, where’s my foreplay?”
Something else worth mentioning…
How portable is it? (backpack, purse, pocket?)
Is it waterproof… really? How flexible is it? Can you work it one-handed? (the earlier reference to ergonomics) Does it smell funny? *Before* using it, people… some of them smell like cheap plastic shower curtains… or maybe like cherry cough syrup, like some balls. ;) (for the Saints and Pinners) Speaking of dirty, how easy is it to clean?
Ok, that’s all I can think of for now…
Got someone here who has reviewed vibrators before. I’m happy to have some interesting friends.
1 – Shape (shaft / head / length / width )
2 – What lubricants is it compatible with
3 – how many speeds or is it gradual?
4 – length / width
5 – airport security friendly
6 – material it’s made out of
7 – power source (battery/plug/solar – they exist)
8 – smell AFTER using it (some hold smells longer)
9 – Can it be combined with another toy (vibrating stap-on?)
Anyway, we’re tired, been baking pies all night. (apartment smells good)
Hope this helps.